The Rebuttal

Gary’s article Taking Control, has inspired some very articulate feedback. I decided to put my comments up as a post, rather than in the comments thread, because one comment in particular, by Andrew Stewart, of Deafness Forum, struck a chord with me. 

I am fed up with all these people who want to be consulted, yet they are not even members of the organisations that are fighting for them!

If people want an increase in the captioning in cinemas or theatre, what have THEY done about it!

Are they members of the organisations trying to achieve change? Have they sent an email – yes, just one tiny email – to their organisation saying that they would like to be consulted.

If the answer to either of these questions is no, then can these people please go away, and find somewhere else to throw a tantrum about. If they are not prepared to even communicate directly with, and support the organisations doing the fighting, then they don’t have the right to be listened to!!!

My outrage at these people is partly due to my years of fighting for hearing impaired and Deaf people in other areas, and being so fed up with all the armchair generals that won’t get in and help me in the fight!!!

I would like to say more, but I have more work to do to fight for people such as these whingers…

I understand the points that Andrew makes. I have worked as part of a Deaf organisation, I have felt that same frustration and bore the brunt of armchair critics. I have been [and am] a client/ customer/ member of a Deaf organisation, and found that my voice fell on Deaf ears! I am now, an arm chair critic. A very proud one, and I take issue with generalisations such as this.

When a group forms with the express purpose of carrying out a specific objective, and publicly make a statement that they are fighting for a cause, or that they represent a group of people, then that organisation has a responsibility to reflect the wishes of the people they have chosen to represent. By claiming representation, it is open to both praise and criticism. It cannot, claim representation, then make demands of the people it has chosen to represent, by distancing itself from any criticism or claiming sole credibility for success. Or more pertinently, remaining silent in the face of adverse

What organisations tend to forget, but their PR/ Marketing gurus would have you believe otherwise, is that they are judged by their actions. They are judged by their behaviour. They are judged on the disparity between their stated objectives and the actual outcomes. Organisations are judged by the quality and the attitudes of the people who run them. This applies equally to the funded, such as charities and welfare, and the different volunteer groups that congregate inspite of little or no funding.

I quite agree, that it would be nice if the “armchair critics” would get off their arses and actually contribute to the work of the organisation. More participants means more work done. More participants means more things achieved. But that’s not gunna happen. There’s always gunna be more armchair critics than people who get off their arses. But the point still remains, the organisation has made a public declaration of representation. As such, it has to abide by that declaration. Inspite of the “armchair critics”. Too often, an organisation behaves in a manner that is different to their stated objective. Gary’s article, From the Slums of Mumbaih (Bombay), illustrates this divide between rhetoric and action.

The problem with comments such as Andrew’s, is that it does not endear the organisation to its detractors. Indeed, it does not endear the organisation to possible membership. One could easily retort, “Well, we didn’t ask you to represent us!” But credit, where credit is due. Without people actually getting up off their arses and working for change, we would never see change. And here is me thinking, “Why can’t they simply say, ’But we can’t do it all, we need your help’?” That would be a much more credible response than the assertion to be heard, you need to join this group or organisation.

The question they should be asking is, “What is it that we are doing wrong that is causing people to turn away from us, to criticise us?” The action they should be taking is an inward one. They should be conducting a navel gazing exercise to work out how to attract more, self appraisal that leads to positive change.

There is a further problem with the concept of armchair critics. It is assumed that armchair critics are just that. It is automatically assumed that those who are all too ready to criticise, are not too ready to volunteer or to lend a hand. Sure, there are those whose modus operandi is to exercise their right to express their opinion, and nothing else. But what about those armchair critics who actually do know what they are talking about? What about those who have become armchair critics, because the organisations they have worked for or volunteered with, has chewed them up and spat them out?

Then again, why the assumption that “armchair critics” do nothing but complain? Do not people realise that the armchair critics may actually know something? May actually have some experience, in life? Do people not know that armchair critics could actually be engaged in things unknown to the groups and organisations.

As enjoyable as people are, and as lofty as their ideals may be, working in groups can be akin to shovelling shit. But I digress.

It has been years since I was actively involved in a Deaf organisation, 14, thereabouts, and I am in no particular hurry to rejoin. Nor am I salivating at the prospect. Except as a member, but I find myself questioning the value of my current membership to the Deaf organisation I currently belong to. I have been a member going onto me third year. I took the plunge and signed up as a member. The question now for me is, “For what?” My original intention, was to receive regular communication about what is happening in the Deaf community, events, sub committees, and so on.

I understand that the group is run by volunteers, with only so much time and resources that they can access. Nevertheless, my expectations of communication and regular are not being met. Recalling the last group I unsubscribed to, where I resigned from committee work, but kept my membership. But the communication was woeful, which put paid to my membership to that group [and sadly, many others]. How can an organisation expect involvement from people if they are not actively engaging with their members? I’m not saying it’s all bad, there’s a lot of good things happening. But equally, there’s a lot more, and anecdotal evidence points to nothing is being shared!

Dean Barton Smith is quite correct when he says:

Organisations need to really sell their membership benefits in order to attract and recruit new members. It is more than just getting a newsletter. It entails active engagement, feeling important and valued and having the means to contribute without fear or favour and more importantly for the organisation to REALLY know their members and capitalise their knowledge, skills and expertise.

That is the crux of the matter for me.

I have one lingering memory, of my time on the different committees that I have been a member of. The membership is all. That is, if you are a member, you are kept in the loop, if you are not a member, you are damned! I remember the work we did for the members, but not much time, if any, was spent on recruiting, team building or paying attention to those important things that make groups work. Groups and organisations tend to cater for everybody except for those that live in Whoop, Whoop and Timbuktoo!

You know, there is a wealth of knowledge and experience out there that is being wasted. Equally, there is a wealth of experience and knowledge that is not being shared by organisations. When one is working on a committee, project or working towards some objective, it is easy to get caught up in the work at hand and lose perspective. To lose sight of the very people that an organisation purports to represent and work for. That you can be guilty of the same things, that your armchair critics are accused of.

I could write about so much more, but perhaps I will leave the last word to Gary, who responded to Andrew:

I take the view that whether they are members or not we have to do our very best to represent as many people as possible.

Its so easy to say JOIN and you will be heard. This is poppy cock – Why should they have to join anyway. Most of these organisations are funded by the government to represent ALL not just the ones that pay their membership.

Who do you join anyway? there is such competition for the membership dollar that you could literally spend over a thousand dollars joining all the different causes that say they will fight for you.

And then they often waste time saying one is useless the other is better. They spend so much time squabbling one could not be blamed for deciding to spend their hard earned money elsewhere.

Certainly I understand it is hard to reach everyone. I just done think we are creative enough or serious enough about the task at hand of consulting. Too often a group of four to five people create the spin and the argument and because they are the people that are paid or volunteering for the task think well that they can do that regardless as to what others might think.. I am sorry .. No! … Its about the people and we have to make more effort to reach them.

Note:

This article was cross posted at Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t!

I love a night at the movies. I get all dressed up to the nines. Put on my lippy and my heels and look the part. After all it is the MOVIES …  You get to meet Brad Pitt and any other number of dishy men, you simply have to look the part.

I went to the movies a couple of months ago. I spent a great deal of time getting ready. It”s lucky I went to dinner beforehand because otherwise the afternoon would have been a complete waste. It was Brad this particular night, and Brad REALLLY  gets me going. Those eyes, that smile … That Anjelina has no idea how lucky she is!! But I arrived all excited … And the movie that was advertised was not on. It had been shown in an earlier time slot apparently. I WAS SOOOOO UPSET.

I wondered if perhaps I had made a mistake so I went to the newsagent and brought the paper. There, right before my very eyes, was the time … 2pm it said  not 10 am. Well I can tell you, I was not impressed at ALL!  I marched right back to the cinema to complain.  I had missed Brad and there would be hell to pay. I walked right in and demanded to see the manager.

And the manager, bless his soul flashed me the most patronising of smiles.  “How can i help you”,  he beamed from ear to ear. I put the newspaper in front of him, pointed to the advertisement, asked him to tell me  what time the captioned movie had been advertised. He said,  “It says 2pm – did you arrive late”,  all said with his irritating smile.

I told the manager that I had not, that I had arrived with half an hour to spare, (One simply does not arrive late for Brad.) “So what is the problem?” he asked. I pointed out to him that the promised captioned movie was not on as advertised. “Oh, Ill just check that for you.” And still that smile had not left his face. It was with great difficulty that I prevented myself from smacking him in the face with my hand bag.

He returned some 15 minutes later. To his credit the smile had been removed from his face. He was very apologetic. He stated that the normal time was 2pm, but this particular week the time had been changed. The newspaper had been informed but had neglected to change the time at the going to print. It was, he said, “.. completely out of my control.”

In my most sweet and sinister voice I told him that I had travelled 30 kms to arrive at the cinema because there is no other cinema that provides captions. I pointed out that I  had but one session to attend per week, unlike some people that had several per day that they can chose from. I pointed out that  my travel  had come at considerable cost and perhaps his cinema would like to reimburse me for the error. He replied that he was unable to do that but could offer free tickets to the next showing. I pointed out that the next captioned showing was, in fact, of a different movie. And do you know what he said with his beaming smile again in place – “Don’t worry, it will come out on DVD and I am sure it will have captions.”

Now at that point I should have hit him. it would have given me great pleasure. But for the first time in my life I found myself at loss for words.  He muttered that he would ensure that it didn’t  happen again, provided me with the free ticket and then ushered me out of his office door. I walked back to my car totally gobsmacked.

I arrived home still seething, threw my heels into the corner of the cupboard and  let it all out to my long suffering hubby.  ” How dare they”, I ranted.  “Wasted my time”, I moaned. ” Do they have any idea how long it takes to do my hair?” I gesticulated.  My hubby listened patiently and said, “Why don’t you write them a letter dear.”

And write a letter I did. And within the week I received a letter back from the manager. Written, I am sure, with that patronising smile firmly in place. And do you  know what it said – ” Thank you for your letter, I sympathise with your frustration. I have placed your letter on the staff notice board so that our staff can understand how you feel”

AND THAT WAS IT!!

AHHHHHHH – I am Desma Hunt, Im Deaf and I am going to hit someone!

* .. With thanks to Michael hose real life experience of captioned Cinema in Australia is what this piece is based on*

Last week I was fortunate to sit through a fascinating presentation by a man named Dr Paul Collier who graduated from Oxford University. Paul spoke at the Australian Federation of Disability Organisations conference about British funding that is known as SELF DIRECTED FUNDING. Paul is a quadriplegic. To live independently he needs a personal assistant (PA). The PA helps him get out of bed, prepare meals, bathe and to participate in everyday activities such as work or even social activities. Paul spoke about how he is in total control of his support funding and how he decides who, what and where it is used. In Paul’s view, Australia’s disability support “…is in the dark ages.”

In Britain they have a funding system where money is allocated to the person with a disability. The person with the disability then uses that money for their access needs. If you are blind you might use it to have books translated to Braille or purchase technology to access the computer. If you are deaf you might use this funding to purchase interpreting. You could use this funding, for example, to get an interpreter to be able to communicate with a personal trainer at the local gym. If you were a parent of a deaf child you could use the funding to pay someone to teach your family sign language. If you were hearing impaired you might use the funding to purchase captioning to attend a school performance at your kids school. YOU decide!

Now at the time of writing I am not sure if all of the things I have just mentioned can be funded through the Self Directed Funding as is provided in Britain. I asked Paul if it was possible, for example, for parents to use the funding to purchase sign language tuition or even speech therapy for their child. He replied, “Why not!” But the beauty of SELF DIRECTED FUNDING is that it puts the person that receives the funding in control. The individual disabled, Deaf or whatever manages that funding and can also receive support as to how to use that funding if needed. In Australia we virtually have to beg for handouts. It is very disempowering and frustrating.

On the weekend I attended the ASLIA Victoria Interpreting Awards. As usually happens when I attend events like these people corner me to talk about The Rebuttal. One young Deaf woman spoke to me at length about her desire to bring young deaf people together. She spoke of her desire for a group of young Deaf women to attend a youth convention overseas. She was saying how frustrated she was that she could not find funding for them to attend. She had to beg to our Deaf Sector organisations for assistance. They provided the group with some of the funding but not enough. This made me think who has control over funding for Deaf and hard of hearing in Australia. Is it Deaf people? Is it the hard of hearing? Far from it!

In Australia our Deaf sector organisations control a huge amount of funding. If we Deaf or hard of hearing people want a piece of it we have to go beg for it. We apply to trust funds, plead poor and asking for hand outs. We have to put forward our case for money. Often we are competing against each other for these handouts. And who decides who gets this money? Is it Deaf people? Is it hard of hearing people? Are you smiling at the irony of it yet?

No, the funding is controlled by a small group of people, nearly all who are not Deaf or hard of hearing. The questions I ask are – would you rather control your own funding? – AND – do we really need people, hearing, Deaf or otherwise to have all the power as to how we should use this funding? In fact, if we had SELF DIRECTED FUNDING would we need any deaf sector organisations at all? Perhaps all we would need is advocacy organisations such as Deaf Australia or Deafness Forum to advocate for better access to things such as education, employment and captioning. Perhaps the assets of the Deaf Societies and Deaf Sector organisations could be returned to Deaf people to manage and use for things that they see as important.

Imagine if we were not paying massive salaries to management – how much money could be redirected to Deaf and hard of hearing people themselves to control and use how THEY want to use it? Why should we pay in excess of    $200 000 to a CEO, $150 000 to the deputy, six figure salaries to the various managers of departments when this money could be directed to Deaf and hard of hearing people themselves to use as they see fit? Is it right that $650 000 a year be directed at a management team of six people when client X in Timbuktoo cant even get $1 000 to attend a sign language class to communicate with their family? Think about it!

How much money are we spending on maintaining old buildings or new buildings to house these organisations? Millions of dollars a year are being spent on maintenance and upgrading car-parks. Often this money is being spent on buildings that cannot even be classified as assets because they are heritage listed or leased to government departments and cannot be sold. History is lovely but what would you prefer – a system where individuals are in
control of their destiny and their funding? – OR- to be able to stare at and visit a lovely old building?

Many years ago the late Anne McCrae, who was the CEO of the NSW Deaf Society at the time, gave a presentation. She suggested that we should all be striving for a system where Deaf Societies were redundant. The gist of what she was saying was that we should have a system that allows Deaf people and hard of hearing people to live independently without the need for ongoing support. My interpretation of what she was saying is that Deaf and hard of hearing people should not have to rely of Deaf Societies for their needs but they should be in CONTROL. Perhaps Self Directed Funding is a way to make this happen.

Now I know there will be people that say that that will be the end of the Deaf Community Centres like the grand old 262 building in Adelaide. But this need not be so. In my vision I see these assets being handed back to the Deaf communities of Australia to direct and control as they see fit. Perhaps 262 can be funded as a boutique hotel where all profits are directed back to the Deaf community to maintain its own Community Centre.

I am aware that there will be people who say, “But what about parents that have deaf kids and need support and information? “ Or “What about Deaf or hard of hearing people that have additional needs and require extra support?” Yes, these are issues that need thinking through but elsewhere it is happening, so why not in Australia? The question is – Do you want funding meant for YOU to be spent on things or people that take the funding away from YOU? It is a debate worth having. Indeed it is a debate we MUST have!

“The situation for people with disabilities and carers in Australia is a national disgrace,”
Dr Rhonda Galbally, chairwoman of the National People with Disabilities and Carers Council.

The Slums of Mumbiah edition of The Rebuttal has caused quite a stir, within Australia and overseas as well. The article received over 40 comments. The bulk of them were in support of the message of the article. There were some objections from staff and Board members of Deaf Can Do, who willingly identified themselves as the sensory organisation in question, and we have dutifully published these word for word in the comments section.

There were some wonderful, articulate and intelligent comments put forward. My personal favorite was the one from Ms McCrimmon, solely because it gave us a perspective outside of deafness and reminded us that issues for the Deaf Community often ring true for other groups of people.

There was some negative feedback as well.  I and others found the comments submitted by representatives of Deaf Can Do defensive in nature and seemingly designed only to paint Deaf Can Do in a more positive light. Many readers felt the main point of the article and the ensuing supportive comments were lost on the people from Deaf Can Do.

Interestingly, as individuals commented, nearly all in favour of the arguments and sentiments of the article, those from Deaf Can Do became suddenly, silent.  Wise?  Perhaps, but sad too, because honest debate can only happen when people put forward alternative arguments. Perhaps these individuals would have found a more receptive audience had they put their arguments in a less indignant and defensive manner.

The memories provoked by this article gave me cause to revisit the first article that was ever produced by The Rebuttal. In it we bemoaned the lack of Deaf people in management positions in Australian Deaf sector organizations. We tried to highlight the talent that had been employed by the Deaf sector and lost. None of us wanted to see a Deaf vs hearing attitude but it is a truism then, as now, that deaf people representing deaf people is a powerful tool for change.

The deaf talent that has passed through our deaf sector in Australia is phenomenal. It is, though, seldom retained within our community. For whatever reason, it has not been properly nurtured nor appreciated. It is good to have Deaf people out in the general community working in various roles and there are. But why are there so few in positions of authority within the Deaf Sector? The Deaf Sector is an agent for change. We at The Rebuttal, firmly believe Deaf people in control presents a strong, positive image that will assist and promote that change in a very big way. Unfortunately, at the time of writing, not including Deaf Australia, I can only list three Deaf people in upper management roles of the deaf sector. This is three years on from the original Rebuttal article.

Why are people like me and many I know, qualified, experienced, skilled and deaf – not being used to the greatest possible effect by our deaf sector organizations? Why, you must ask yourself, are there so few Deaf CEO’s and the like in the Deaf Sector? I may sound like I am blowing my own trumpet here but I have decided to list my experience and qualifications below. If nothing else to make the point that my qualifications are as good, my experience as relevant  and in many instances not more so, as the hearing people that work in the sector.  There are many Deaf who are even more qualified or have at least as much experience as I.

I have been involved in the disability and Deaf sector for twenty years. I have been a volunteer, a worker and a board member. I have sat on committees that advised the government on Deaf issues and need.  I lobbied successfully to my university to provide and pay for support for people with a disability at a time when they relied, almost solely, on BUDDY systems. I’ve sat on sporting organization groups, been a consumer and a service provider. I have provided counselling, family support and even developed what was probably Australia’s first ever deaf mentor program (don’t quote me on that.)

Yes, I have experience, lots of it. I have raised money and been successful in getting funding through funding applications. I have secured sponsors and government commitment. I have educated and changed community perceptions.

And NO, I am not finished! Not only have I done all that but I have also recruited and supervised staff, handled budgets, allocated funds and set up offices. I have written policies and procedures for programs, developed training and implemented it. I have developed online materials, made them accessible for people with a disability and worked in employment and in education. In addition to that I got married and I am bringing up three kids.  HELL YES I KNOW A THING OR TWO!

Yet after 20 years in the field, with yonks of experience, paid, voluntarily and sometimes just because I cared I still cannot find a role at anyone of our Deaf or Hearing Impaired organizations UNLESS … I do it for free! Yes, FREE.  On committees, boards and so on. I am happy to do this because I believe in the cause and want to assist positive change BUT!

Our Deaf Sector organizations will employ a banker and a marketer with no experience of deafness whatsoever but they don’t see fit to actively recruit me and the many deaf people like me unless I volunteer. Yet they will spend thousands on consultants or they will spend thousand paying an organization to organize rattling tins in a shopping centre. When presented with a deaf person with marketing skills, leadership skills and the like, who also lives the issues of deafness but who may have less experience in the marketing areas than say a hearing person – they will employ the experienced marketer, the business person with no experience of deafness over the deaf person. This makes no sense to the deaf community. It may to the reader, but it doesn’t to us.

For example; a dear friend applied for a job with one of these organiations. He is extremely experienced, talented, committed, capable and very motivated and yet could not get past the front door! He was made to sit a psychology test that told him he was a shade of blue and green – very similar to what you might find in New Idea ; “What color are you ? ARE YOU HOT?”  I kid you not. Multiple choice questions. Pick what matches your personality the best.  It seems experience in deafness did not matter; marketing experience was inconsequential, leadership skills unimportant and proven business acumen was not relevant. If you are not orange you’re not in!  And how much they paid the psychologist – I don’t know. If I had to guess, I’d say thousands of dollars.

Now, forget me and my trumpet blowing for a minute and think of the BROADER issues! There is something seriously wrong with the attitude of our Australian Deaf Sector. It seems they are quite happy for people to learn about deafness, to promote inclusion, to stamp out prejudice and discrimination and to demand respect and equality for the Deaf.  However, they seem far less inclined to put those ideals into practice themselves. Not only is it unfair and hypocritical but it is a complete waste of talent.  It is a travesty and just plain insulting.

I was born and raised in Australia, brought up orally and went to an independent oral school in Adelaide. I had a cochlear implant when I was 14, and completed my schooling with grades good enough to get into a course in university where I eventually completed my degree. I have lived in three countries – Australia, Scotland and France. Comparatively rich countries but worlds apart in terms of providing support to the deaf. This is my story.

In Australia, because I am ‘Oral’ and able to communicate effectively without needing assistance (other than the cochlear implant), I was classified as ‘able’ therefore, unable to claim the Disability Support Pension (DSP). Instead, I worked hard to earn enough moneyto be deemed as ‘independent’. This allowed me to claim the ‘Youth Allowance’ to pay formy living costs while studying full-time at university.As soon as I turned 21, I was told that I was no longer able to receive cochlear batteries for free, all the services and cochlear materials were no longer free. Upon hearing this, and studying full-time on the Youth Allowance – I lodged complaints to the Health Ministerand my local MP arguing that age cut-off was far too drastic especially whilst I was on the youth allowance. I reasoned that the DSP was higher than the Youth Allowance, and people on the DSP were getting the services for free – why should I have to pay for the services when peers with lesser hearing impairments to me were much better off? I argued that with the cost of replacing a cochlear implant at $8,000, it was an unjustifiable hardship to placeon a university student struggling to get by. I wasted my breath!

I had no choice but to be put on the private health insurance and for my parents to prop me up with the costs. Basically, after I turned 21, I didn’t get anything from the Australian government for being deaf. For a rich country like Australia this is a shameful situation. When I first moved to Scotland – I visited DeafAction in Edinburgh. I sought advice concerning support for my cochlear implant and other support services. The DeafAction social worker was amazed that I was so ill-informed. She didn’t think I should pay for anything. She provided me with forms for the Disability Living Allowance which is up to £60 a week. This is provided on top of what you earn through work and it’ll pay for a few rounds of pints!

In Scotland deaf people are exempt from council taxes – which were over £1,000 a year for the house I lived in. Being deaf I was eligible for tax credits (tax returns) on virtually all taxes I paid. This can be paid weekly or monthly – however you choose. Buses are free for people who are deaf or disabled – and it’s free across Scotland. If you fancy trekking up to Inverness – a good 5 hours drive away? Go for it – it’s FREE! The passes are valid for 3 years and worth well over £350 a year. People with a disability (including me for being deaf) can have a rail pass which gives them and their accompanying friend a whopping 25% discount off the tickets. The rail pass is for every train that goes outside the city to another city/town (ie, Edinburgh to London etc). These train tickets can be expensive, so it is appreciated.

Deaf people can get an equipment loan from the Scottish Government, and these are also free, provided you return them when you no longer want them or are broken. Technology that I was able to access included a TTY, flashing doorbell, vibrating alarm clock and several others which left me feeling overwhelmed. I wanted a simple life – not to be cluttered by technology that I’d probably never use.

But wait! There’s more! Free British Sign Language classes. My friend was fascinated with the fact that I was deaf and enrolled himself into a British Sign Language course. He enrolled himself before he realised I didn’t even know how to sign. He made some enquiries and discovered that the course was free for me too, purely because I’m deaf. I wasn’t working at the time (I had only just arrived in the country) so I joined the coursewhile looking for a job, just for something to do. The course was nationally recognised and it was valuable in terms of qualification and skills.

Services targeted at my Cochlear Implant were all free. Cochlear batteries were free. I was told that if there’s anything I need – just give them a buzz and they’ll make sure I have it. I emailed them once saying that the cochlear was making funny noises. I thought that the cochlear was on its deathbed and wanted to give plenty of notice. The next day, a parcel arrived – a replacement cochlear which they sent through the post!! My first thought was “Crap – you just sent £4000 worth of equipment through the post?!” This would never have happened in Australia.

An audiologist in Scotland questioned me about life in Australia because he was impressed with my accent. He asked me if I was planning on getting a second implant. I scoffed at the idea, saying it would be far too expensive. He gave me a puzzled look, and politely informed me that the second implant is free – everything is paid for by the NHS. I could not believe it.

University courses are free for Scottish people (lucky buggers). However, students must get a loan for their own living costs which are very high. Students studying full-time on the Disability Living Allowance, however, can simply apply for the Income Support (muchlike the Unemployment benefits in Australia) to pay for their living costs. This is on top offurther financial assistance towards rent, and bills in extreme circumstances (ie, temperature goes below 0 degrees).  Scotland is a gold mine– the Deaf’s Ballarat of the 21ST century. Now, the question that I’ve been asking myself during my moves is … where should the rights and support for people with a disability stop? Having the bus pass was laughable. I’m much more mobile and active than the majority of the population, I speak more coherently than a lot of people in Edinburgh (Their are a lot of foreigners in Edinburgh, and the Scottish accent is known to be difficult to follow) and although I might require the occasional “please repeat”, I show no other sign of being “disabled”. There is no reason why I should get free public transport. I, on the other-hand, having tasted the liberty this card provided me. I would hate to give up the free unlimited access to all buses all over Scotland! It is a dream to be able to run to the bus stop and jump on any random bus without having to worry about money or whether I’m wasting a trip by just hopping on for two stops (lazy me!).

I could go on, but I do wonder which country is getting it right. I feel much more liberated and alive in Scotland than I do in Australia because I feel really privileged and I love the treatment and welcome I’ve received. I really do love having that bit of extra cash from all the savings to spend on socialising and drinking with my friends. But I would not have been as successful as I am now if it hadn’t been for the more difficult lifestyle in Australia. (And of course, my parents, family, school and friends!!). In summary, Scotland, identifying me as ‘disabled’ has made me feel like I’m living in a gold-field, while Australia prepared me for a realistic life as an ordinary person, though I was clearly and severely disadvantaged at times – I wasn’t seen to be ‘disabled’ by the Australian government. Where should the line be drawn?

I normally write at i.Mephisto:i.Muse & i.Amuse! but decided to camp here for a change. 

Gary’s article From the Slums of Mumbaih (Bombay), has garnered quite a few comments. One of the rarer instances of [Australian] Deaf people getting off their arses and actually contributing to a public forum, and putting forth, considered, erudite and intelligent commentary.

What was unusual, was the response from a CEO of a Deaf organisation. I consider it unusual, because most of the time, leaders of [and] deaf organisations refuse to engage directly with their critics. Most choosing to remain aloof, refusing to entertain, let alone, engage in any open debate. Regardless of the veracity of any of the criticisms hurled at them, even if only to alleviate the critics concerns. This is a familiar scenario that plays out with depressing frequency in Deaf communities the world over.

Personally, I think it’s a good thing that a CEO of an organisation can be so moved as to offer a comment on an issue of concern. It is a good thing. One that does not happen often enough. The last time it did, was to…………………. yeah! I remember that! But that is not the point here. The point is that, a CEO has bothered to enter into a commentary. So, a few audio claps all around for that effort. Deaf people can dry their hands, and everybody else can turn up their hearing aids or cochlear implants.

Or just tear your hair out!

Contrary to Paul Flynn’s assertion [he being the CEO who made his presence felt in the comments, not once but twice], From the Slums of Mumbaih (Bombay) is not sensational journalism. It is a personal reflection by the author, Gary who is A DEAF PERSON, on the age old existential dilemma of “Deaf and Disabled People Shaking Organisational Money Makers, While Crying”. The article was an HONEST reflection by Gary, who OPENLY ADMITTED his ambivalence and personal dilemma over the situation he described.

So WTF is the problem?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, we know, but dismissing Gary’s article as an act of tabloid sensationalism, and a cynical maneuver to increase The Rebuttal’s readership, is ignoring the central point that Gary was trying to make. A point that all the other commentators understood. A point that Gary is continually having to clarify in the comments to From the Slums of Mumbaih (Bombay). I mean, Gary loves beating his head against a brick wall. Well, it is a favourite pastime of Deaf people. Last time Gary was in Sydney, he showed me how to beat my head against a wall, without shattering my skull. I will tell you the secret in another post, but, anyway, to compound the lack of objectivity displayed, by not engaging in the very issue being raised, and instead obfuscating the debate by throwing up words like “hard working volunteers, deficit, board representation, welfare issues, health issues, mental welfare, et al”, is to…….. compound the obfuscation.

I am breathless at how the charity/welfare model remains firmly entrenched. In the intervening years since I left New South Wales Association Of The Deaf [but not the last organisation I was involved with], and it has been over a decade, some things have changed, but to mine own eyes, it’s not much. Gary is right. The victim mentality is the first port of call in any marketing and fundraising campaign that taps into people’s natural tendency to be moved to tears. It is demeaning. I expect our Deaf [and disability] organisations to do better than this. It is 2009, not 1909!

I recall, the first time I joined the Deafness Awareness Week committee, representing NSWAD, back in 1989 [I think], and one of my first ports of call, was to have negative depictions of Deaf AND deaf people thrown out. My motto was “create awareness through depictions of life, not misery!” To see that it has since splintered off, morphed into a Hearing Awareness Week….. says it all really.

Now, if the thrust of Gary’s post, is that “using the victim mentality to tug at people’s heartstrings, imploring them to part with a few coins, to help the poor “insert your favourite fundraising target here”, is ultimately demeaning, then Paul’s comment [which ignores the meaning of what Gary intended]:

What gives you the right to suggest that people with a disability do not deserve the right to choose what they do with their time?

compounds that demeanity [don’t search your dictionaries, the word doesn’t exist, but it means the perpetual state of being demeaned. Trust me, I’m a linguist.] Well then, what are his comments?

Paul, we accept that people have the right to choose what to do with their time, and that includes Shaking Organisational Money Makers, While Crying, but what are you, Paul, a CEO of a Deaf organisation, actually defending? The choices implied here, seems to be 1. shaking the money maker and crying, 2. shaking the money maker and smiling, or 3. having no life at all?

I take those comments as a slur. Because those comments ignore the fact, that for many, choices are actually limited, or non existence, and not much, beyond fundraising activities, is being done to expand those choices.

I keep reading and re-reading your comments, Paul, and those of your sole supporter, and I cannot help but feel, that there is more interest in maintaining the status quo, which is short termism, than in change for the better, which is long termism. And long termism, as we all know, demands a far greater effort. Hey, I could be wrong, but the argument that short term priorities of mental health and other welfare issues, are the main issues, just doesn’t wash with me. They were short term priorities 20 years ago when I first entered the Deaf community, and they are still short term priorities now. It really raises the question, are our organisations devoted to upholding the reigning hegemony, band aid solutions, or providing lucrative career paths for hearing people? It is the same in the same in the US, it is the same in the UK, and seems to be the same everywhere else.

Everything in the Deaf community is short term priorities. Which obviates the need for mentoring Deaf people to take on leadership roles and run the very organisations that purport to represents them. The RNID in the UK, found it’s current CEO, at an organisation that represents veterinary interests. Basically dealing with animals. Visualise this, if you can. The speed of change in the Deaf worlds leaves a sloth breathless.

Though, I will hold my hand up to the fact, that there are things going on behind the scenes, that I don’t know about, that are agitating for change. However, it is what I can see that counts. It is what is visible that counts. And from what I can see, it is not all good. Though, I do appreciate the hard work of looking for gold in a coal mine.

Paul, we all know the human fall out, which is a direct consequence of the way the hearing world treats deafness and deaf people. We all know the human fall out of the hearing world’s failure to deal appropriately with the way they don’t deal with deafness and deaf people. Paul, we all know the human fallout as a result of the Hearing world not allocating the necessary resources to support those that fall through the cracks. We all know the human fallout that continues to this day, because the speed of change for Deaf people, as I’ve said before, leaves a sloth breathless. We know all this shit. I have known it here in Australia, and I have known it over in the UK. Same shit, different food!

Yes, Paul,we understand that these issues need addressing, but some of us more savvy types, Savvy Deafies also understand that there are, as Gary aptly put it, more intelligent ways to fundraise, to achieve our aims. So the question is, is it a choice between Shaking Organisational Money Makers, While Crying, or Making People Laugh So They Don’t Notice They Are Handing Over Money. You know, hearing people never seem to be short on imagination, then again, when it comes to Deafness and Disability, only one thing will do.

For us to get better as a people, we need to be engaged with as people, with talent, skills and imagination, not just participating in a committee that will decide the colour and model of next year’s Organisational Money Makers. Though, I have it on good authority, that they will be blue for a change. Long term, they are planning for puce, torpid and morbid. In that order.

Paul, I don’t know you personally, and I have no brook with you personally, but you are the head of an organisation that represents Deaf people. As a professional, part of your role, is to LEAD. As the leader, representing and working for Deaf people, your job to is SUCK IT UP, TAKE IT ON THE CHIN, and HEED what Deaf people are actually saying! Your job is to also acknowledge this. Your job is to take on board what Deaf people are saying. Your job is to BE SEEN to be LISTENING……

The fact that you responded to Gary’s personal musings, a DEAF person’s ruminations on the state of the world as they see it, as if it were a sensatorial [another fictitious word I just made up to describe the perpetual state of sensationalism], sensation seeking, merely a canonisation piece by the author and for the author’s own vanity, printed in this morning’s edition of The [insert your favourite brand of toilet paper here], was an exercise in poor judgement. You have trampled over a DEAF PERSON’S fears about the very choices he has available to him.

Tony [aka Mephisto]

PS Paul, Gary speaks for a lot of people!

PPS I am writing in the style that represents what many of us feel.

PPPS THIS, Timothy, is clever writing!

PPPS Cross posted at i.Mephisto:i.Muse & i.Amuse!

Auslan version, click here

I was visiting my folks on the weekend. I was in Adelaide playing golf and catching up with friends, attending a party and relaxing on the beach drinking good coffee. All was good in the world. My kids played in the sand, cracked jokes and generally charmed everyone in sight. It was just splendid really. Adelaide is my idea of urban Utopia. I took my mother to lunch and shopping at one of the major shopping centres of Adelaide. In one short moment this urban Utopia was shattered, I suddenly found myself in the slums of Mumbaih.

I understand that disability rights in India have improved immensely in recent years. However, I vividly recall seeing a documentary about disability in Asian countries. There was a scene of a young disabled child. The child walked only on his hands dragging his useless legs behind him. He walked on his hands through the slums of Mumbaih. He had a dirty tin cup. He would brandish this at passers by hoping for a hand out. He was dirty and unkempt. It was harrowing to watch.

So here I was in urban Utopia. I was walking through a modern shopping complex. Last week Australians received $900 each as part of the Australian Governments strategy to kick start the economy. The stimulus package they call it. People were out in force spending their $900. I marvelled at the happy faces. In the distance I saw an old friend. He is Deafblind. Years ago I taught him English. He is an intelligent man and he even studied overseas.

As I moved closer I saw that he was sitting down on a beach chair. His white cane was in front of him. In his hand he held a tin cup by the handle. Emblazoned on the cup was the name of one of the major sensory charities in South Australia. My friend cannot see a lot. Neither can he speak. Sign language is his preferred mode of communication, either very close up or tactile. He could sense people walking by him but not really see them.

He was not able to really explain why he was there. So he moved his head from side to side as he sensed people walking by. As he moved his head he waved the cup in a wide ark in front of him. His face was a picture of panic. Not knowing who was around him, just hoping that his movements would attract enough attention for a hand out.

I stopped in my tracks. No more than a few metres from him I knew that he could not see me. I just stared. I was totally transfixed and horrified. This proud and intelligent man had been reduced to a beggar for a charity. His dignity totally shattered. Visions of the disabled boy from Mumbaih and his tin cup flashed in my head. What had they done to this proud human being? In my eyes they had destroyed the last shreds of his dignity.

I beat a hasty retreat. I could not face him. I could not talk to him or say hello even though I had not seen him for several years. I found my mum and my kids enjoying lunch in the food hall. I excused myself on the pretext that I needed to get something for my friend’s birthday. I headed straight outside and sat down on a bench. I was not yet angry just shocked. The anger came much later. As I write this, the vision of my friend waving that cup and moving his head frantically from side to side is still vivid and shocking.

At first I tried to make excuses for the charity. Do not ask me why. Perhaps sub-consciously I did not want to believe that what I had just witnessed was actually happening here in a wealthy country like Australia. I said to myself, “The Government doesn’t fund them enough” – I reasoned that if the Government funded them enough the charity would not be reduced to this sort of begging. I reasoned that my friend, an intelligent man, knew exactly what he was doing, and therefore this made it ok. I reasoned that my friend was paid for the charity work that he did. Not much, but it was a supplement to his pension.

In the end I could only find anger. Anger – that people like my friend could be exploited in this fashion. Anger – that he, through lack of opportunities and through lack of support from successive Governments, had been reduced to a street beggar for a charity. Anger – that this proud and intelligent human being was being viewed as an object of pity by the passing public.Anger -that if I never saw my friend again this would be my last vision of him.

I really wish that I had gone over to say hello. Perhaps by saying hello I could have reassured him that all was ok. Perhaps he would have smiled and felt less isolated and alone. Perhaps by communicating with him the public would have seen that there was more to the man than just a beggar on the street. I did not and I will forever regret that.

This sort of fundraising strategy goes on all over the world. Not just in Australia. People with disabilities protest that they do not want to be promoted as objects of pity. They plead that they be promoted as human beings with hopes and aspirations. They want to be promoted as people who contribute to and enrich society. Very rarely are they listened to. The mighty dollar speaks loud. Human dignity is but a small price to pay.

Oh! – I know that charities need money. I know that they are underfunded by the Government. I know that many provide excellent services and have dedicated staff and require money to sustain this.BUT – Why must we tackle these problems by destroying human dignity? Why must we raise the spectre of suffering, wretched lives and pity just to get a dollar? There has to be a better way.

Years ago I and deaf staff where I worked protested about a poster that was used to raise money through a Radio-thon. All day the radio made announcements imploring the public to donate. The messages were overwhelmingly negative. Poor deaf people living wretched lives, suffering, isolated and lonely. A poster was produced showing finger spelling for HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU – At the bottom of the poster was the picture of two hands opening a wallet. Say you love me by giving me money. We protested vehemently and were told by the boss that we needed to get over it. We were told that we had a “Holier Than Thou” attitude to fundraising. In short we were dismissed and ignored.

I am not angry now. I am just sad, that in a rich country like Australia, that my friend, an intelligent and dignified person, had been reduced to a beggar for a pittance. I feel shame for Australia and shame for the charity that allowed my friend to be reduced to this sorry state. Thank you for reading and listening – I know that at least some people care.

A couple of years back I was asked to advocate for a young deaf girl. The girl was 6 at the time and her mother, a single mother, wanted to set up Auslan tuition in the home. Living in the country only 120 kms from Melbourne you would think it would be a simple task. But NO! The logistics were a nightmare. Finding someone suitably qualified to do the tuition was the first challenge. Paying the person extra for travelling from Melbourne was the next challenge. There were other issues that required addressing such as how would the mother practice regularly what she has learnt? Who would support her,  and the families learning over time and ensure it continued to develop. Mostly it came down to money and the extra money it costs to service someone away from the metro area.

It was actually quite offensive that the organisation would use the funds argument as an excuse. The organisation is far from poor. Rumour had it was that the staff of the organisation played a game. Readers may know of the game, Where’s Wally. Wally is in a mass of people at various destinations around the world. To play the game the reader must find Wally and his distinctive scarf among the crowds. Well Staff of the organisation apparently played a similar game called Where’s the CEO. At any given time the CEO might be anywhere in the world and at great cost. Meanwhile Client X , 120 kms, from Melbourne cannot be provided with a couple of grand to service their Auslan needs. Shocking I know.

But this is not what this article is about. It is a far more positive article. It focuses on using the popular medium, Facebook to provide support to families of deaf kids. Those who know Facebook will know of the fun that is had with Status updates. of the fun with pokes, quizzes, chats with friends, throwing sheep and god knows what else. It is a whole virtual world.

Through Facebook you can post videos. Videos of your holidays. Videos of your friends. Videos of your family. Youtube links – whatever takes your fancy. You can post these for your friends to see. There is a limit to the file size but the quality of the videos is good.  All it requires is a good Internet connection. You can, if you have a Webcam, even video yourself on the Facebook page  and post it. Or you can film yourself with a Camcorder, edit and upload to Facebook.

Recently I stole a friend from a friends status. The friend being in Canada had a mean sense of humour and we got into a banter. Now I wont go into details as to how this happened but through the banter my friend said that she wanted to learn some Auslan. To this point in time I had only been communicating by text. So I began to think how I could provide her with some information that would enable her to learn Auslan.

We first tried MSN chat. They have a little video box. We linked up this way. The picture is not great but we were able, even in this way, to pass on a few signs. We tried Skype which was marginally better but not great because my friend only has dial up so the connection speed wasn’t fast enough. I made little videos on my laptop Webcam. I added some captions to it to help. She, along with her daughter found this very useful.

And then by chance I noticed on Facebook the little camera icon. I  began to explore its use for uploading and making short and sharp videos to teach Auslan . Little videos like WH questions or explaining hand shapes. I used different mediums. Voice, captions, gestures – whatever was needed and posted them to Facebook.  It became obvious that right there at our finger tips, completely free, was a medium that could be used to teach Auslan to people living in remote areas.

I began to flesh out the idea some more. Imagine, thought I, if I was the CEO of THAT organisation and I could stop myself travelling for ten minutes and actually sit in my office and think of the clients the organisation serviced instead of trying to take over the world. I imagined I could set up a special Facebook account for families of deaf kids who needed access to Auslan. Little videos with captions focusing on various aspects of Auslan could be posted. families, with strict rules for access, could be invited to the Auslan page as FRIENDS. they could see the videos and learn.

But it would not stop there. the families would have a medium to support one another. Through their status updates they could share little snippits and tips about how they were bringing up their deaf kids.  A status Update might read: Gary’s Aden signed that he loved me today (SOB SOB)  and in this way parents could motivate each other and share stories.

But best of all families could trade videos. It wouldn’t be as fast as face to face communication but it could happen. Imagine Bob. Bob has just watched the video on WH questions. Bob practices signing What is your name?  He turns on his Webcam and tapes himself in Auslan asking what is your name. He sends the link to all the people who are registered to the Auslan page. Twenty people practice signing My name is … and post their videos. A kind of video SMS.

Some people might say that the video that is made through Facebook is not good enough quality. Well you can make a more sophisticated video. As long as the file size is small enough this can be uploaded to Facebook. It can be edited with captions. The signing can be filmed from different angles to provide a more 3D image. For teaching these better quality videos would be ideal. BUT let me tell you, even with grainy videos my friend in Canada and her daughter have learnt some pretty good Auslan in three weeks. Quality picture would be great but is not absolutely essential. thus far I have only made the videos with a Webcam and using my lounge room curtains as a backdrop. 

It can be done all it needs is some imagination. Forget the costly production of CD roms. Forget spending thousands on film editing. A $150 Ulead film editing package will allow you to add captions easily. The beauty is the videos can be used over and over again. Ongoing costs are reduced and families get support HERE AND NOW. Sure face to face is still ideal  but now time, distance and money can no longer be used as an excuse. Right there at your finger tips Facebook has a solution, not the full solution by any means, but certainly a 100% better than scrounging for pennies while staff of THAT ORGANISATION play Where’s the CEO.

After the frivolities of sex last week it is back to more serious topics. Yesterday I met with the Juries Commissioner in Melbourne to discuss the issue of juries and access for deaf people. It was an interesting conversation and we touched upon many topics. In Australia, as suggested by Paul in response to the earlier article Judge and Jury, the sticking point is the issue of the 13th person in the jury.

It is not only interpreters that are a 13th person.  A person who is a carer for someone who is a quadriplegic is also considered to be a 13th person. Legally any person in a jury room, participating 0r otherwise, is seen to have influence on the jury. A decision of a jury, under the law, must involve only 12 people. There must not be any influence from outside people. The Juries Commission are working on the issue and trying to find a way around it. As it stands at present the Judges of the courts are standing firm.

It may seem unfair, minor even silly but it got me thinking about the impartiality of an interpreter in any situation. By chance yesterday I bumped into an interpreter and we had a brief discussion of my meeting with the Juries Commissioner . The interpreter, a very experienced NAATI level III interpreter, admitted that in any situation there was potential to misinterpret not only what is being said but also the mood of the speaker. She mentioned that it is possible to interpret a speakers emotion as angry when, in fact, they are only being firm and assertive. In a court situation this could influence the feelings and deliberations of the deaf juror or in the case where the deaf person is on trial, the jury as a whole.

I had a bit of a google on interpreters and juries.  I came across a transcript of an interview by Damain Carrick on the Law Report, ABC Radio. The interview touched on being a person in a foreign country. Perhaps an English speaking  person has been caught with drugs or alcohol in an Arabic country. They will be tried in the court of the country they are in. Interpreting the language of the country is fraught with danger.  In the interview it was explained that Arabic does not have a word for toes. A rough translation of toes into Arabic would be fingers of my feet.  A bizarre example, I am aware, but it made me think of similar situations of translating English to Auslan and visa-versa.

What follows is an example of a translation gone wrong that was also provided in the same ABC interview “‘I only saw the little blade that, I mean like, like, it was shiny, that’s all and that’. That’s a translation of the original, and the interpreter says ‘I just saw the shiny blade of the knife’ Think about this. What was said originally was something along the lines of,   – “I saw something shiny, and very small that MIGHT have been a knife.” Yet the interpreter has said that the blade of  knife was CLEARLY seen. This is very different from what the speaker actually meant and would give the impression that a knife was definitely seen when in fact it was not. To make things more complicated I have given my own interpretation of the original. I would hazard a guess that ten people would provide 10 different interpretations.

BUT whatever interpretation is provided it can clearly influence the individuals thought process. In the situation above the interpreter was an indigenous language interpreter. The indigenous language interpreter has provided an inaccurate interpretation. Imagine that there is a deaf juror and they receive this inaccurate interpretation in sign language. When the time comes to decide guilty or not guilty whose thoughts are being provided by the deaf juror. Are their thoughts their own or have they been influenced by a poor interpretation from the interpreter. Clearly 13 people are at work and not 12.

Perhaps that is just the way the cookie crumbles BUT when a decision has to be made as to whether a person is guilty that could lead to life in prison who has the greater right. The deaf person that wants to take part in the jury or the person on trial? Clearly the sensibilities of the deaf juror that may be offended by their exclusion are insignificant in comparison to the person facing life in prison.

The other side of the coin is the deaf person who is on trial. What happens if the interpreter gets what they are saying wrong? What if they portray the wrong emotion or provide an inaccurate English translation. Do we abort the trial? Or do we continue.? We can argue that if deaf people must run the gauntlet of being misinterpreted when on trial then equally they should be able to stand on a jury if they so decide.

It is not an easy dilemma to deal with. It is very complicated with a million shades of grey. The interpreter may also not be familiar with legal strategies, styles of questioning, types of responses required and so on.  It is really a legal and ethical quagmire. To the credit of the Juries Commissioner in Melbourne he is trying to find a way forward. For us the deaf and the disabled we need to step down from our high horse a little and consider all the ramifications involved.

 

---

I have been doing The Rebuttal now for two and a half years. I have written about many different topics. Families, human development, a particular money wasting CEO, language, children, sport, ranting – somehow, I find something to write about. I was chatting with a friend a few nights back and I told him that one day I was bound to run out of things to write about. He said, “Nah, there is always something.

To date I have taken basically the same themes and written about them in different ways. Some of these have been interesting and have generated a great deal of discussion. Others that I thought were really relevant generated no discussion at all. Each to their own. But the question remains what else can I write about?

Well there is SEX. I have not touched on SEX.  I am British and sex does funny things to British people. I was brought up on a diet of Benny Hill, Dick Emery, The Two Ronnies and the Carry On movies. No one pokes fun at sex more than the British because no-one is more uncomfortable with sex than the British and it is how they cope.

And no one copes with sex worse than the British. My favourite British scene from a comedy is Monty Pythons the Meaning of Life. The Catholics across the road are dropping babies at will because the Pope wont let them use contraception. The Protestants neighbours are complaining about the number of children that the Catholics breed. The dialogue goes something like this:

Protestant husband: Those Catholics they breed like rabbits. Thirty years we have been married and we only have two children.

Protestant Wife: Yes dear but we only had sex twice.

And that pretty much sums up the British and sex.

But what about the deaf and sex. Is it worth writing about?

Before sex there is pre-sex. Not foreplay but finding someone to have sex with. As a young whipper snipper I liked chasing skirt. Of course being deaf chasing the skirt is essentially different.  I could  have limited my self solely to the Deaf community but, hey, there are lots of fish in the sea.

Pubs and nightclubs are loud and not conductive to hearing well with hearing aids. They also make it difficult to talk because they are so loud and it is hard to monitor ones voice and be understood. The answer for me was to be DEAF and as DEAF as possible. I never went without paper and pen. I loved going to bars with deaf mates because we could sign and signing in the middle of the bar is a great way to get attention.

There were nights where the hunt was unsuccessful and there were nights when it was successful. More nights not successful than successful but I guess that’s essential otherwise it would tend to become boring.

When I was successful it was often awkward. Why? Because hearing people, most of them, indeed most people generally, like having sex in the dark. Maybe it is because humans in general are embarrassed about their bodies. The media promotes the perfect body, rippling muscles and silicon pumped breast. Very few of us can compete. The answer is – do it in the dark!

Usually the scene is at some woman’s flat or their house. I still lived with mum and dad so that was a no go zone. There would be more wine had, perhaps pizza, coffee a bit of sofa fun and inevitably you would end up in the bed. If you are deaf and about to have sex with someone for the first time you can, if you want, leave your hearing aids on. Many deaf will chose to leave their aids on rather than suffering with the embarrassment of fumbling to take them off.  Hearing aids are a bit like underwear, the last part to go and usually taken of hesitantly and self consciously.

BUT they can sometimes ruin the ambiance.  Sex is exercise and inevitably you sweat. At the crucial moment WEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOEEEEEEOOOOO. I guarantee any hearing person who knows nothing about hearing aids and their tendency to whistle at the wrong moment will quickly flick on the bedside lamp and want to know, “What the hell is that?” Cue the heavy breathing. “pant ppant .. just my hhhhearing aaiid.”

Then of course you have partners who like the ears. They like to nibble the ear or slosh their tongues about in the ear. A rubber ear mould and electronic device is not really conductive for this sort of sport. On goes the light and the red faced partner will apologise,  “What ever was I thinking, I am so so sorry”  One particularly keen partner  after tasting rubber (in my ear) did this and then asked if I would, “Like some music to set the mood again.”  More apologies ensued and I think we gave up about that time and decided that sleep was the best option.

And of course you have to communicate during sex. “Not there“, “That hurts“, “Oh yes” – all of these little communication tricks tell us whether we are doing the right things. You can hardly switch on the light every time you want to say something so that your partner can lipread you.  A purely fictional, comical and with an element of truth scene might go something like this:

Light on:  I like that

Action resume for five minutes:

Light on: Can you do what you were doing again

Action resumes for five minutes:

Light on: Do we have any condoms

It pays to work out the communication strategies beforehand, but hey its spontaneous. What do you do?:

“Now before we start if you like something tug my left ear. If you don’t pat me twice on the head. If your ready two tugs ..“

It doesn’t work like that! But we work it out somehow.

So there you have it.  The Rebuttal’s first ever soft porn article. I think it’s a valid social comment. Being British it was quite hard to write but I hope the reader does not take offence and can, like me, see the funny side.