The Rebuttal

Hello, I’m a person that lives with mental health issues. My issue is depression. I’m not always depressed. It happens from time to time. I just feel down and sad. Usually I know why. It might be the stress of work. It might be the stress of life. Or it might be that someone has died. But sometimes I feel depressed and I don’t really know why. It’s a mystery.

This is the situation now. I feel depressed and sad and I can’t explain it. I like to be honest when I am depressed. I will tell my work, friends and family. When I do this, usually they want to know why. They will ask if it’s work or if it is something that they have done. There has to be a reason. But sometimes there is no answer and no obvious reason.

When you are depressed you “ruminate.” What does this mean? It means you constantly think about things. You are constantly trying to find an answer to why you are feeling like you do. You seek something to blame. The mind goes into overdrive, it wont shut up as you try to find an answer. At the moment I have been struggling to come up with a reason for my depression.

I once asked my psychologist about why I was ruminating. She told me it was common among people who are depressed. I told her I wanted my mind to be quiet. She gave me a strategy. The strategy was to focus on one thing. In my case I use photography. It might be a flower or a bee. I just focus hard on that object and take pictures. It diverts your mind and makes it be quiet.

But the mind always churns over. Well my mind does anyway. I think constantly. I want to find answers. I want to know why I am depressed. There has to be a reason as to why I am depressed. I am constantly seeking a reason. And then a couple of days ago, I think I may have come up with part of the answer.

I was binge watching the TV show, Grey’s Anatomy. I was watching the series from 2020. This was the time when the pandemic hit. The storyline’s of Greys Anatomy were about the impact on the hospital system and the people that died. One of the characters pointed out that in Seattle, where the hospital is based, only 7% of the population are black or brown. The white population makes up 93% of allpeople that reside in Seattle. Yet, of all the deaths during the pandemic over 50% were black and brown people. The character pointed out that this is systemic racism. What does that mean?

It means that’s when something like a pandemic hits, black and brown people suffer more. Why? Because many live in poverty. Many lived together in small houses meaning they got infected easily. Many had no money to afford decent nutrition. Many couldn’t afford health insurance. This meant they suffered more and died in greater numbers. They system was set up for the benefit of white people with very little thought given to the social needs of black and brown people. That’s systemic racism.

So, why has systemic racism made me depressed? It hasn’t really, but think about it. Everyday I am confronted by systemic disability discrimination. Everyday I see how it impacts on my clients. Every day I am confronted with it myself. Everyday I see its impact on my friends and family. And you know what? It’s made me tired. I am exhausted.

I have spent years successfully breaking down the barriers. But for every barrier I break down, the system brings up another. Again and again and again.

Systemic disability discrimination, what’s that? A good example is the phone. Where hearing people must ring us by voice. It doesn’t matter if you tell them to email and not call. They still call. It doesn’t matter if you say please SMS me, don’t call. They still call. Its frustrating.

And we laugh. Stupid hearing people calling Deaf people. How ridiculous. But if you are the Deaf person that misses out on a job interview because you didn’t answer a call, it’s not funny. Or the NDIS calling you about your NDIS planning meeting. When you don’t answer, they just discard you. Or more recently I have been dealing with insurance after a small car accident. They wont email, they wont SMS, they insist on calling. As a result this has progressed all the way to court! Systemic disability discrimination! Hearing people refusing to adjust, expecting us to do all the adjusting! Yes, we laugh, but it ain’t funny if you are the person that misses out on the job!

In my job I help Deaf and some blind people seek employment. Recently I had a Deaf truck driver apply for work. He couldn’t get the job because the employer had implemented a system where drivers had to wear a headset. They receive verbal instructions as to where to pick up and drop off. Of course he cannot. The same man was invited to a phone interview even though they knew he was Deaf. There is a blind man who was invited to an online interview. Only to discover that questions appeared by text on the screen and he had to answer. He got his son to come in and read the questions and tried his best to answer, he failed. It is so exasperating.

Deaf people and people with disabilities are dealing with this shit every day. It’s systemic disability discrimination. When we break down a barrier another one pops up. These systems are being designed by people who wont’ think of others. We break down one barrier and another pops up. So, I think that after 35 years I am exhausted. It’s one step forward and four steps backwards. It is so very, very frustrating.

So is that the reason that I am depressed? Probably not the full reason but it cant help. These barriers are a big part of the reason why Deaf people and people with disabilities have double the incidence of mental health issues than the general populace. Just this constant dealing with systemic barriers every day. So that might be some of the reason I am depressed. It’s not the full reason though.

But anyway here is some advise for you all. If you are feeling depressed tell your friends or tell your family. Tell someone at least. Seek help, including medical help, you do not have to do it alone!

Look after yourself.