The Orange Man

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orangeIn a land far away live a benevolent people. They are free and fair. They embrace every person. They embrace any idea, be it good or bad. They embrace any view, however contrary. Eight years ago they gave a black man a go as the leader of their LAND. Can you imagine that? A BLACK MAN!!!! Just recently, to show how very fair they are, they gave people a choice to elect their leader. The choice was between a woman and, get this, an ORANGE MAN! – A WOMAN and an ORANGE MAN!!! How awesome is that??? Spoilt for choice to show how free and fair that they were they chose the ORANGE MAN! The woman would have to wait. But hopefully not for too long for they are a fair and free people. That is OK, they had shown then world that a person of any colour could be their leader.

As it was announced that the ORANGE MAN was to be their leader the people of this Land rejoiced. Men across the Land were particularly happy. You see the ORANGE MAN had professed his love of the ladies. He had professed that he loved them a lot. He professed that he liked to touch and squeeze them everywhere, all the time and any time. And men around the Land were happy because they were free to love and touch women as they pleased. What a Land they lived in. It is so free and fair. ( When you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Whatever you want. Grab them by the pussy.)

And the people of the Land were safe. They were safe from the nasties on the outside. Those pesky outsiders. The people of the Land were free you see. Free to hate everyone and everything that did not exist within their Land. “Ill Keep em out” said the ORANGE MAN. And he was clever, oh the ORANGE MAN was clever. Never had someone so clever been their leader before. The people were in awe of his wisdom.  “I’ll build a great wall.”  said the ORANGE MAN. “And nobody builds walls better than me, believe me” And the people cheered at his humility. But the ORANGE MAN was not just humble, he was a financial genius, “And I’ll build the wall very inexpensively.” So inexpensive, in fact, that the Land was not even going to pay a cent for this great wall that would protect them because,  “I will make Dajano pay for that wall. Mark my words.”   The people wept. How had they got so lucky.

But the ORANGE MAN was not finished. You see he had ideas never thought of before to protect the people of the Land. They were sophisticated ideas. These ideas would protect the people of the Land from them bad men that were terrorists that lived in the middle lands of the world. The level of sophistication was simply astounding. The ORANGE MAN lifted his arms to the heavens as he screamed to his people the solution to their world safety. “Bomb the shit out off them!!” is what he said! The people of the land cheered and hugged each other. They would be safe forever!

The women folk were in raptures. They smiled at the thought of being loved up by their men folk. They smiled at the thought that this might happen at any time and at any place. Just as long as it was by the men of their Land. God forbid if those pesky IMMERGRENTS should try to love them up. That would not be OK! But they need not have feared any such thing happening to them. You see the ORANGE MAN had the answers to that too. The Orange man was furious. You see Dajano was sending all their bad people across the border. The ORANGE MAN screamed his rage at the fact that Dajano were, “ …sending people that have lots of problems” to the Land including rapists, drug runners, and other criminals.” But the women folk need not have worried because that great wall was gonna save them. Failing that the ORANGE MAN would bomb the shit out of em anyway. They had nothing to fear.

Goodness the ORANGE MAN was good. You see the ORANGE MAN, despite having zillions of dollars, had only ever paid a little bit of tax. When asked if it was bad that he had hardly paid any tax the ORANGE MAN laughed. “Hell no!”, he said, “That makes me smart.  And anyway even if I did pay taxes the money would have been squandered.” The people of the Land laughed at his wisdom and wit. Perhaps they too would not have to pay taxes, cos it would be wasted anyway. They marvelled at the fact that even though they would not be paying taxes the Great Wall would still be built. Cos the ORANGE MAN was gonna make Dajano pay for it anyway. Life is good. OH yes, LIFE IS GOOD!

The ORANGE MAN was funny too. He even made fun of the disabled. He called the most famous Deaf woman of the Land retarded. He even called her mentally handicapped and mocked her deaf speech. And the people of the Land laughed and laughed. Not only was the ORANGE MAN smart, he was so, so very funny!  So all over the Land people copied him. After all if he could do it, so could they. All over the Land the people began walking up to people with Cerebral Palsy and doing the spastic dance just like the ORANGE MAN. They had never had so much fun, EVER!

And most of all the people of the Land were thrilled that they could hate! They were allowed to hate and deride. Because they were free. The ORANGE MAN was leading the way in showing how they could hate. So Whites were telling people they thought were not white enough TO GO BACK TO THE FIELDS.  Deaf people signing in Cafes were told to get their retarded selves out and go elsewhere by other customers. Everybody nodded sagely at the righteousness of this. After all the ORANGE MAN did it and so could they!

what a LAND. How lucky are they??? Land of the free. God bless them all!

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