I want to say something. My name is Isaac and I’m 13. I’m profoundly deaf and have a cochlear implant and a hearing aid.

Isaac happens to be deaf and have a cochlear implant. He posted recently to the Facebook discussion group called Aussie Deaf Kids.

Reading Isaac’s post took me back to my teenage years.  I was not strong nor assured as a teenager. I was struggling to come to terms with my deafness having become profoundly deaf a few years before. I was refusing to wear hearing aids. I was wagging school. I suffered anxiety.

I recall getting on the school bus and sitting right at the back everyday. I did this because one day I broke into a cold sweat. I was standing because the bus was full. I found myself anxiously looking over my shoulder and all around me. I feared that people were talking to me or about me and this led to a mini panic attack. The back of the bus allowed me to see everyone. It was my safe haven.

Isaac is just 13 years old. He is proudly proclaiming to the world that he is deaf and has a cochlear implant. I am in awe. It may seem just a small thing but such confidence and frankness is a rare thing. Kudos!

Over the dinner table last night my family were discussing a message my mum got from a lady who signs ( on FB) it made me sad.

Those wonderful dinner time conversations! For many deaf people from hearing families dinner time conversations can be isolating and lonely times. Over dinner family members share stories. They share what they see, what they hear, what they have discussed with peers and what they think. They share what others think and what what others have done. Through dinner time discussions so much is learnt. People’s minds are broadened and relationships are strengthened. Very often the deaf family member sits largely in silence, not involved and not considered.

Quite often it is the mother that acts as the interpreter for the deaf kid. I can well recall badgering my mother to tell me what my dad had said because he is a bugger to lipread and this still happens even today. Often the TV would be on as we ate our dinner in the lounge. I would be asking mum what was being said and what happened on the news. Mum was ever obliging.  On some days when she was tired or overwhelmed she would utter the dreaded words, “I’ll tell you later” There was nothing more dis-empowering nor frustrating than to hear those four words.

Never underestimate the power of family inclusion on the deaf child’s development. Isaac has it and its impact on his maturity and knowledge is there for everyone to see. He is very, very lucky.

I talk, I do not sign or wish to sign. I’m very happy and don’t feel lost in any world. I’m in the hearing world. I hear in class well. I do all the things my friends do and I can do that alone. I hear my mum call me from outside, I love music and singing and being with my friends, mostly all hearing.

Oh I remember the first time someone asked me if I knew sign language, I was mortified. I was with three friends and we were chatting at lunch.  One of the three friends asked me if I signed. I shook my head hurriedly and tried to change the subject. My friend was having none of it and began to try and teach me to finger spell. I got up and left.

Looking back the psychology of it all was simple. By acknowledging sign language I had to acknowledge my deafness. I had to acknowledge that I was different. As anyone will tell you, not fitting in during adolescence is the worst thing that can happen. Quite simply I was in denial.

Accepting my deafness took a long time. I was angry about being deaf for most of my adolescent years. I saw myself as a victim. Why me? I tried to avoid all things deaf. Wearing hearing aids was one. I would leave the batteries at home. They got over this by having batteries at school. So I would leave my aids at home. I would sabotage the ear molds by giving them to the dog to chew up. In the end my attempts to deny my deafness got so bad that I just stopped going to school. I would rather face the risk of getting in trouble for wagging than have to confront the issues of my deafness. Adolescence was not a happy time for me.

I wonder if for Isaac not wanting to sign is because he sees sign language as a weakness. Perhaps by giving in and learning sign language Issac must acknowledge his difference. By signing he is acknowledging that his deafness makes him different. Perhaps he is just proud of how well he copes in the ‘hearing world” and simply does not see signing as necessary. I think that, just maybe, there is a deeper reason that Isaac does not want to sign.

Only Isaac can answer that one.

“I’m not brainwashed, I’m living in my community.”

Very clearly Isaac has grown up with hearing values. Very clearly he is comfortable with these values. Brainwashed? What is Isaac referring to? I am not entirely sure but sometimes there are more militant Deaf people who believe that HEARING people are brainwashing deaf kids into thinking they are hearing. Sometimes these militant deaf people are there own worst enemy. They need to back off.

I hope that one day Isaac explores becoming involved with the Deaf community. The Deaf community can be a great place. Perhaps as Isaac gets older he will find it harder and harder to fully fit in with the hearing community. As deaf kids get older and mature they often find communication and fitting in with hearing people just a little bit more problematic. Big groups chatting. Lots of background noise. Dark bars and night clubs. Things change and often young deaf people like Isaac find that they become increasingly isolated. Trying to fit in and adapt can be soul destroying.

I don’t know Isaac personally. Every deaf person experiences life differently. He may grow up and blend in with the hearing world without a hitch. He may not. But after being involved with the Deaf community for nearly four decades and having seen how many young deaf people with cochlear implants seek out and become members of the Deaf community; I am pretty sure there are a few confronting social challenges and decisions that Isaac will face in the next few years.

Isaac, all I can say is keep your mind open to the possibility of learning sign language and being a part of the Deaf community – it has much to offer. There is no reason why you cannot be part of both Deaf and hearing worlds.

My mum and dad made the best ever choice for me having me implanted. I wish everyone can see how happy I am. I do really well at school and even do public speaking. I love telling people that deaf kids can speak, because some don’t get the chance to.

You are right Isaac. Your mum and dad made a brilliant decision. It has clearly benefited you and will continue to do so. You are bright, confident, intelligent and articulate. It is terrific to see. I can tell you that when the cochlear implant works well for young deaf kids, which is sadly not always the case, they develop great speech and great language.

I was 14 when I changed schools to attend a school with a deaf unit. I was shocked at the educational level of many of the deaf kids at my school. Many were virtually illiterate. Their behaviour was not age appropriate. They often did not understand even basic concepts. This was in the 70’s, before cochlear implants became wide spread.

I was puzzled as to why this was so. As I got older I set out to understand why so many deaf kids were like this. The tragedy for deaf kids in the past, and sometimes still today,  was not so much that they could not hear, it was the fact that not hearing and not having access to good sign language acquisition impacted so heavily on their language development. This impacted on their whole life. It impacted on their education. It consequently impacted on their ability to gain meaningful employment. It impacted on their ability to mature and deal with adult life. It was not pretty.

Since the cochlear implant has become more widespread I see less of these language deprived deaf kids. I see deaf kids with great language development. They are literate. They are achieving more at school. But, sadly, this is not the case for all of them and we need to acknowledge this.

Many of these kids with cochlear implants learn to sign at a very early age. Interestingly a friend of mine did some research on this. I believe she found that deaf kids with cochlear implants and who signed actually had better language development. Deaf kids with cochlear implants who had no access to sign language apparently spoke better, but their language development was not as good.

It is true that cochlear implants come with risks. Isaac’s parents and other parents of deaf kids know this. It must be gut wrenching to have to make a decision knowing these risks. But more often than not the risk pays off and Isaac is living proof of this. No parent should ever be made to feel guilty for deciding to implant their child. Sadly, there are still many Deaf militants that try to make parents feel guilty for implanting their children. Equally, there are Oral militants that try to make parents feel guilty for not having an implant and for choosing sign language for their child. It needs to stop!

Please listen to us kids too. I belong in my family and community.
Why don’t you ask me rather than assume you know how I feel.
I’m proud of who I am.
Isaac

And that Isaac is so true. You have every right to make decisions as to what is best for you without pressure and emotional blackmail from militants.

We adults often assume that we know best. We all need to listen better and consider the views of young deaf people. I can tell you that people in the disability sector get fed up of non-disabled people making decisions about people with a disability over their heads. Nothing about us without us is the catch cry. I see no reason why this should not also be the case for young people who are deaf.

Isaac, I wish you all the very best for the journey you have ahead of you. Thank you for allowing me to share your post and respond to it.

Isaac’s post in full –

I want to say something. My name is Isaac and I’m 13. I’m profoundly deaf and have a cochlear implant and a hearing aid.

Over the dinner table last night my family were discussing a message my mum got from a lady who signs ( on FB) it made me sad.

I talk, I do not sign or wish to sign. I’m very happy and don’t feel lost in any world,I’m in the hearing world. I hear in class well, I do all the things my friends do and I can do that alone. I hear my mum call me from outside, I love music and singing and being with my friends, mostly all hearing. I’m not brainwashed, I’m living in my community.

My mum and dad made the best ever choice for me having me implanted. I wish everyone can see how happy I am. I do really well at school and even do public speaking. I love telling people that deaf kids can speak, because some don’t get the chance to.

Please listen to us kids too. I belong in my family and community.
Why don’t you ask me rather than assume you know how I feel.
I’m proud of who I am.
Isaac