I am Desma Hunt and these are my diaries. I tell it as it is.

I love Pay TV. Movies galore with subtitles followed by endless repeats of Tim with his gapped tooth smile. Searching for bargains and making not too subtle sexist remarks. He is almost an antique buyers version of Benny Hill.

I love cooking. I love the cooking shows. That Jamie is just a divine hunk; he really is. Gordon is so SEXY when he is angry. Dont you just love an assertive man. When he is on I usher the kiddies to bed, turn the sound off and watch it with captions. That is, of course, when the captions are on! Mind you when Nigella is on the only switch I touch is the off switch. The front end she has on her! It is a wonder she doesn’t topple over into her scone bowl.

My latest obsession is the show called the Great British Menu. Top chefs from my home country fight it out to cook with hunky Heston at the Gherkin. I tell you it is excitement personified. The previous series was not captioned but the new one is. Then it isn’t – then it is – then it isn’t. It is driving me insane. If the captions exist surely it cannot be that hard to turn the caption switch on at Foxtel.

All week it has not been captioned and then suddenly last night it was. I kind of wish it wasn’t. The Yorkshire chef was tasy but I am not sure his olive icecream with olive infused chocolate is something I would like to try. Modern British cookery he called it???

This happens all the time on Foxtel. One minute shows are captioned and one minute they are not. Shows from Britain nearly all come with captions but Foxtel seems to be selective about which captions they use. Some nights it seems they just cant be bothered putting the captions on. They get me excited about hunkie Jamie and his school dinners and then they dont put the captions on. Dont they know his lisp is impossible to lip-read. It’s driving me to chocolate and a size 22. What is going on? IT IS THE PITS!

Im Desma Hunt; I’m deaf and I hate it!